Helena's Diary

[totalbullshit]

[ You will find the door to Room #10 unlocked and half open. It is a mess. There is food from the grocery true everywhere, all the cheapest kind. Many empty packages haven't been trashed yet and instead are scattered over the ground. The hospital gown Helena arrived in is on the floor in an otherwise clean corner. Next to it are nunchucks and a gashapon machine ring with a not attached.

Dio's jacket hangs over the bedpost. The bed itself is the most tidy thing in the room. There is just one thing on it, centrally positioned: a cheap notebook with the handwritten word 'DIARY' on the cover. ]

Comments

Week 3

[totalbullshit]

Monday
During the last trial, Croix called me uncaring and inactive. She knows nothing about me, of course, but I am still finding myself thinking about it. Despite all my best efforts to boycott the events around me, there are corpses piling up. Whether or not I give them my participation, our captors are getting exactly what they want out of us. Am I someone who lets that happen? Is that really me?

Today I used the Ouija board to talk to Dio about this. Naturally, I did not let him know my actual plans. I had hoped against better knowledge that the necromancy idea had validity, but he denied this. In all likelihood, all who are dead will remain gone. So if I act now, if I put my life on the line, I have to be prepared for the worst. An existence between life and oblivion, trapped maybe endlessly. I can't rule out that he's being dramatic, but he didn't seem at all content with that state of existence. I have to ready myself for it.

And so I'm sincerely contemplating martyrdom in his forsaken mall that is cut off from the outside world - from every world. Nobody might ever know of my sacrifice and I will leave no impact on the social structure of the world at large. That wounds me. I never wanted my life to end so meaninglessly. Yet, I simply cannot wait this out any longer. If I overlook the misery and suffering that is willfully inflicted right around me, how can I ever hope to practice what I preach literally anywhere? It starts here. Everything does.

Though I promised Dio explosions, I'm afraid it won't be so grand in reality. I can't prepare too long. I can't lose the element of surprise.

Tuesday
Today is the day. When everyone is distracted by the incentive, I have the most chance to walk around without being forced into groups. It is an advantage that having been hikikomori so far means nobody expects me to be out and about to begin with.

I'm nervous. I don't know what to expect. I suppose this is an experience that is unimaginable until you truly make it. Maybe that is for the best. Maybe that allows me to be more fearless.

The motive just arrived. It's a threat to those we care about. They attached an image of Kaz. I don't know how to feel, but I can't allow myself to be distracted. I firmly believe he can handle himself. That's the most I can afford to think of it now.

I need to leave, I need to set my plan in motion. I hope I can find her without having to call for her. Surprise, surprise, surprise. That is what I need. I know I won't get very far, but every step I can pave ahead might ensure the survival of those left behind. It's not that I care for them as people, but human lives are equal. And if our captors are taken down in the end, then that fulfills my wishes.

This is Helena St. Tessero. This diary is neither a comprehensive record of the events at this mall nor was it meant to be one. It stands as nothing but a testament to my own mind during these events.

If you are reading this, I have only one request: don't let this have been in vain.