Monday I didn't write it down yesterday because there were many other pressing events occupying my mind, but I had a dream. Or rather, I remembered an occurrence from my life in Neo Yokio. Others had issued complaints about their memories before but I had assumed myself to be fine. Everything seemed to add up at a glance. It's not true... If this dream is a memory, then it is urgent and foreboding, calling me to an action that I cannot take now.
A vision in a vision. At home, I once dreamed of Kaz being in great distress. A toblerone, choked by a mass of sentient letters. Crushed. There's nothing I can do about this now. It remains merely unsettling.
They gave us new rooms to placate us. I talked to the Life Coach about it and she confirmed as much. I loathe to say that the bookstore they gave us fulfills its function with me a little. I'm more at ease now that I've spent a while reading. I might spend more of my days there. They will not pressure me into spending this pretend money however. Not on something this frivolous.
I did buy new clothes today. They're incredibly itchy and wrong-feeling, much to my relief. Even though I changed I'm still far from my old self.
When I showered, I met Torri. I know it's unreasonable to feel guilt over Wake's death simply because I had a casual acquaintanceship with his killer, but there is a lingering feeling within me that wants to make Torri feel better. It was a relief that I managed to get this across to her. She is an odd girl who conforms with the rules of her world well, but I cannot bring myself to dislike her for that. Her honesty makes up for it.
Maybe she'll come see me and we can explain more to one another.
Tuesday Today they gave us another incentive. They threatened to expose our deepest secret to everyone we know in our homeworlds. I don't remember the secret they gave me, but if it's true its reveal could have very uncomfortable consequences for me at home. However, if I have done what they said, I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't ready to die for my convictions if worst comes to worst. That is still how I feel.
I wish I remembered how I did it...
Wednesday Another opportunity to sell ourselves for money. They gave out a truth serum and offer to pay us for the secrets we learn and tell. I am in shock that there were people willing to participate in this. Selling out your deepest soul like this.
I'm not a dishonest person. If that isn't enough for the world, then it doesn't matter to me.
Thursday There was another meeting today, but I didn't attend it. There is much and more going through my head, but I can't make heads or tails of any of it. Who is running this game and to what ends? Though we are all from different worlds, this is such an isolated crime. I wonder about Neo Yokio as well. It appears likely that I did bomb the Bachelor Board. So then, do they assume I skipped town? I don't mind that thought. Let me be the girl who escaped, the woman who made an attack on the city's heart and lived to tell the tale, lived to spread her message.
Whether or not I will survive in reality is secondary to this assumption. May it spark hope in the hearts of other nonconformists.
Saturday [ The page in this section is crumpled. Helena has obviously not been gentle with the paper. ]
Fools. Imbeciles. Asinine idiots.
Torri is dead and so is the figure skater, Yuuri. Akechi killed them.
Isn't that absurd? From the first night on, we saw it coming. When it was just idle speculation, Dio and I talked about the very risk of a detective-killer. And yet when it happened, I was nothing but powerless to stop it. I was sound asleep that night and only a short walk's way from me he slid her throat.
He did it for himself. After all he said about justice, he still did it entirely for himself. Among us, many await the death penalty, myself included. Yet, we didn't make a move like this. Akechi did it for himself, hypocrite that he is.
Yet they all defended him. They all love him. How can something so despicably vain and egocentric be so forgivable? How is Torri worth so much less to them? How can they step on the graves of those we lost and entice him with gentle words of sweet forgiveness?
I believe in a freedom of individual expression, of course, and I would say it should be removed from the rules of society. But by that I mean rules like summer's fashion trends, all these small prisons we built for ourselves to elevate us over people who live differently. Freedom is only free as long as it doesn't impedes someone else's right to live. Akechi stepped over corpses and corpses and corpses only to live on himself. There's nothing noble about this kind of self-expression.
I can at least commend Shuuichi Kurama and Akira for putting their lives on the line trying to prevent his execution, even if I don't understand it. There was weight behind their senseless love. Weight behind their hurtful forgiveness, behind their willingness to let human lives be unequal. If you die for the wrong thing, at least you died standing for something.
Sunday Joey called a meeting today. She's the youngest one here and very insistent we should stick together for future plans. She even suggested only walking around in groups of three or more. I have my doubts about how doable this is and I certainly don't trust most of the people here, but if nothing else it might help for comfort of others.
There's also the idea of an all out fight where we all work together. I am starting to feel like this won't help us any as long as we keep being overtly concerned with reducing casualties. More and more, this appears to be a situation calling for a kamikaze attack. If we want to gain any ground, it is imperative we take risks and our captors by surprise.
However, that is not the most noteworthy thing that was discussed on our gathering. Apparently Croix managed to contact the dead in one of the new rooms they gave us. I haven't looked at the rooms yet and I haven't questioned her, since there is bad blood between us, but this is vital to know. I will look at it tomorrow.
Both Croix and Ursula spoke of raising the dead before... Necromancy is nothing a non-demon-supporting person should really meddle with, but it would be the highest blow to our captors if we could only reverse all damage they have done.
Week 2
I didn't write it down yesterday because there were many other pressing events occupying my mind, but I had a dream. Or rather, I remembered an occurrence from my life in Neo Yokio. Others had issued complaints about their memories before but I had assumed myself to be fine. Everything seemed to add up at a glance. It's not true... If this dream is a memory, then it is urgent and foreboding, calling me to an action that I cannot take now.
A vision in a vision. At home, I once dreamed of Kaz being in great distress. A toblerone, choked by a mass of sentient letters. Crushed. There's nothing I can do about this now. It remains merely unsettling.
They gave us new rooms to placate us. I talked to the Life Coach about it and she confirmed as much. I loathe to say that the bookstore they gave us fulfills its function with me a little. I'm more at ease now that I've spent a while reading. I might spend more of my days there. They will not pressure me into spending this pretend money however. Not on something this frivolous.
I did buy new clothes today. They're incredibly itchy and wrong-feeling, much to my relief. Even though I changed I'm still far from my old self.
When I showered, I met Torri. I know it's unreasonable to feel guilt over Wake's death simply because I had a casual acquaintanceship with his killer, but there is a lingering feeling within me that wants to make Torri feel better. It was a relief that I managed to get this across to her. She is an odd girl who conforms with the rules of her world well, but I cannot bring myself to dislike her for that. Her honesty makes up for it.
Maybe she'll come see me and we can explain more to one another.
Tuesday
Today they gave us another incentive. They threatened to expose our deepest secret to everyone we know in our homeworlds. I don't remember the secret they gave me, but if it's true its reveal could have very uncomfortable consequences for me at home. However, if I have done what they said, I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't ready to die for my convictions if worst comes to worst. That is still how I feel.
I wish I remembered how I did it...
Wednesday
Another opportunity to sell ourselves for money. They gave out a truth serum and offer to pay us for the secrets we learn and tell. I am in shock that there were people willing to participate in this. Selling out your deepest soul like this.
I'm not a dishonest person. If that isn't enough for the world, then it doesn't matter to me.
Thursday
There was another meeting today, but I didn't attend it. There is much and more going through my head, but I can't make heads or tails of any of it. Who is running this game and to what ends? Though we are all from different worlds, this is such an isolated crime.
I wonder about Neo Yokio as well. It appears likely that I did bomb the Bachelor Board. So then, do they assume I skipped town? I don't mind that thought. Let me be the girl who escaped, the woman who made an attack on the city's heart and lived to tell the tale, lived to spread her message.
Whether or not I will survive in reality is secondary to this assumption. May it spark hope in the hearts of other nonconformists.
Saturday
[ The page in this section is crumpled. Helena has obviously not been gentle with the paper. ]
Fools. Imbeciles. Asinine idiots.
Torri is dead and so is the figure skater, Yuuri. Akechi killed them.
Isn't that absurd? From the first night on, we saw it coming. When it was just idle speculation, Dio and I talked about the very risk of a detective-killer. And yet when it happened, I was nothing but powerless to stop it. I was sound asleep that night and only a short walk's way from me he slid her throat.
He did it for himself. After all he said about justice, he still did it entirely for himself. Among us, many await the death penalty, myself included. Yet, we didn't make a move like this. Akechi did it for himself, hypocrite that he is.
Yet they all defended him. They all love him. How can something so despicably vain and egocentric be so forgivable? How is Torri worth so much less to them? How can they step on the graves of those we lost and entice him with gentle words of sweet forgiveness?
I believe in a freedom of individual expression, of course, and I would say it should be removed from the rules of society. But by that I mean rules like summer's fashion trends, all these small prisons we built for ourselves to elevate us over people who live differently. Freedom is only free as long as it doesn't impedes someone else's right to live. Akechi stepped over corpses and corpses and corpses only to live on himself. There's nothing noble about this kind of self-expression.
I can at least commend
ShuuichiKurama and Akira for putting their lives on the line trying to prevent his execution, even if I don't understand it. There was weight behind their senseless love. Weight behind their hurtful forgiveness, behind their willingness to let human lives be unequal. If you die for the wrong thing, at least you died standing for something.Sunday
Joey called a meeting today. She's the youngest one here and very insistent we should stick together for future plans. She even suggested only walking around in groups of three or more. I have my doubts about how doable this is and I certainly don't trust most of the people here, but if nothing else it might help for comfort of others.
There's also the idea of an all out fight where we all work together. I am starting to feel like this won't help us any as long as we keep being overtly concerned with reducing casualties. More and more, this appears to be a situation calling for a kamikaze attack. If we want to gain any ground, it is imperative we take risks and our captors by surprise.
However, that is not the most noteworthy thing that was discussed on our gathering. Apparently Croix managed to contact the dead in one of the new rooms they gave us. I haven't looked at the rooms yet and I haven't questioned her, since there is bad blood between us, but this is vital to know. I will look at it tomorrow.
Both Croix and Ursula spoke of raising the dead before... Necromancy is nothing a non-demon-supporting person should really meddle with, but it would be the highest blow to our captors if we could only reverse all damage they have done.